


Tell Me You Don't Love Me

by NalgeneWhore



Series: Elorcan One Shots [46]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Good Will Hunting Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, F/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22759843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: im also on tumblr @nalgenewhore! (i post there more regularly)
Relationships: Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Series: Elorcan One Shots [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636468
Kudos: 11





	Tell Me You Don't Love Me

“Are you awake?” **  
**

“No.” Lorcan smiled into the pillow, feeling Elide shift beside him, her lips descending down his spine. 

“Yes, you are.” He hummed but stayed as he was, sprawled across her little twin bed in her tiny dorm room, his legs hanging off the edge of the mattress, his arms wrapped around a pillow. “Baby, come to the Wastes with me. Move with me to the Witch City.” 

At her whispered words, he froze, his heart slamming against his ribs. “What did you say.” He shivered when her lips brushed the shell of his ear. 

“I want you to come to the Wastes with me.” Her nails scratched a circle between his shoulder blades, fingers steady even over the scarred over slashes marking his back. 

Slowly, so very carefully, he rose his head, propping himself up on his elbows. “You’re sure about that?” 

Elide nodded, smiling slowly, “Yeah.” 

“Yeah, but how do you know that’s what you want?” 

She shrugged and stretched her arms above her head like a cat. “I don’t know, I just know.” 

He breathed out shakily, eyes wide, “That’s not enough. How do you know?” 

She sighed and pulled his face towards hers, their noses brushing against one another’s. “I know because I feel it.” 

Lorcan twisted his head, pulling her grasp off as he sat up, “That’s a really serious thing you’re saying.” 

Elide followed him up, hurt clouding her narrow eyes when she reached for him and he pulled away. “I know it is.” 

“You could be in the Wastes next week and what if you find out something about me you don’t like.” He looked to her desk, seeing the Polaroid of the two of them in the back of her clear phone case. “Maybe you wish you hadn’t said that but you know it’s such a serious thing, you can’t take it back. And then I’m stuck in a city with someone who doesn’t really want to be with me and you resent me and you want a take-back.” 

Elide hugged her knees to her chest, laughing incredulously, “A what? I don’t want a take-back. I just want you to come with me to the Wastes.” 

He shook his head, “Well, I can’t go to the Wastes with you so…” 

“Why not?” He hated the edge of sadness in her voice, knowing it was because of him.

“I have a job here. And I live here.” 

Elide scrubbed her eyes, dropping her head and picking at the hem of her hoodie, one of his, he suspected. “You know, um, if you don’t love me, you should just tell m—” 

“I’m not saying I don’t love you.” 

“Then why? Why can’t you come? What are you so scared of?” 

He inhaled sharply, standing from her bed, “El, we both know that you just wanted a summer fling from the kid from the other side of town. You’re gonna go off to your fancy fucking school, marry some rich prick that your parents approve of and you’ll sit around with all the other trust fund babies and talk about the summer you went slumming, too, once.” 

Tears welled in her eyes and she climbed out of bed, “My parents died when I was eleven and I had to move in with my piece of shit uncle. That’s why my ankle is like this, cause he let his fucking croneys push me around when they got drunk and riled up and one night, one night they pushed me down the fucking stairs and my ankle snapped. He didn’t let me go to the doctor because he knew if he let me out of the house, he’d never see me again.” Elide breathed in deeply, continuing on, “He hid all my inheritance until that night when he was hitting me, he wouldn’t leave me alone and I grabbed the closest thing and hit him over the head with it. Skulls and ceramic jugs don’t mesh well but hey, at least I got my fucking money.” 

He stayed silent, there was nothing he could say. 

“You don’t think that everyday I wake up and wish I could give it all back? Wish I could give it all back just for one more minute? I can’t though, and that’s my life and I deal with it so don’t you fucking dare put your shit on me when you’re the one that’s afraid.” She jabbed her finger in his chest, a snarl etched on her face as she spat the words. 

“What am I afraid of?” 

Elide cried out, her hands balling into fists on his chest. “Of me! That I won’t love you back but fuck it all, ok? I’m afraid too but at least I’m honest with you!” 

He scoffed, “What, I’m not honest with you?” 

She slammed her fists on his chest, the tears pouring down her cheeks. “No! You’re not! ‘Cause if you were, you would tell me everything ‘cause I want to know everything.” 

Lorcan shook his head, picking up his jeans from the floor and tugging them on, movements tense as he did his belt buckle before taking his shirt from where she had thrown it over her lamp. 

“No, you’re not leaving. You’re not going,” she pleaded, placing herself in front of the door. 

“What do you want, huh? You want me to tell you about my sorry fucking life, that I’m an orphan too, that I have nobody?” Her eyes widened at his raised voice, he had never yelled at her before. 

“I didn’t know that.” She put her hands on his chest, holding him in place as her eyes brimmed with tears again. 

He couldn’t be reasoned with, not as the dam finally broke and everything he had been holding in for too long burst out of him. “Elide, you don’t want to know how I was shipped from foster home to foster home, each one a little bit worse than the one before. You don’t want me to tell about all these fucking scars, that I got cigarettes put out on me when I was a little fucking kid.” 

Her face crumpled as she shook her head, her hands digging into his pecs, “I didn’t know that, baby, I didn’t know.” 

“None of these marks are surgery, the slashes on my back, I got fucking stabbed and cut and whipped and hit with shit you’ve never even thought of and I didn’t have Daddy’s money to fall back on when I was left on my own. You don’t wanna hear that shit, Elide!”

She sobbed, “I want to know everything!”

“Don’t bullshit me, you don’t want to know anything!” 

Elide cried harder, “I do want to hear it, I want to help you!” 

Lorcan laughed, the sound hollow and empty. “Help me? What the fuck? What, do I walk around with a sign on my back that says, ‘Save me’?” Tears were building in him too but he blinked them away, he would be damned if he broke down now. 

“No,” she insisted as she shook her head, her face falling. 

“Do I look like I need that?” 

Elide stepped closer, looping her hands around his neck, “No, I just want to be with you ‘cause I love you!” 

Lorcan squeezed her wrists as he pulled them off him, pinning them to the door, “Don’t bullshit me, don’t you fucking try that shit with me!” 

“I love you,” she whispered and he dropped her hands like they burned him, backing away from her as she followed and held his face in her hands. “I want to hear you say that you don’t love me.” She stood on her tip-toes, eyes red as she kissed his brow, “Because if you say that…” 

“Stop, El.”

“If you say that,” she pressed her lips to his, “then I won’t call you.” Elide pulled away, sniffling as he once again took her hands off him. “And I won’t be in your life.” She sobbed as he looked into her eyes, knowing what he would say next. 

“I don’t love you.” He pushed her off him, picking up his shoes as he slammed the door behind him, her sobs following down the hallway. He told himself he was right and it was better this way. 

He wondered how many times it would take for him to believe it as he walked out on the grass in front of her building, looking up one last time to see her sitting on her windowsill, watching him until he disappeared from view. 

**Author's Note:**

> im also on tumblr @nalgenewhore! (i post there more regularly)


End file.
